Thursday, May 31, 2007

Me!


Thanks to Yoichi for making this paper chain all around the living room. Today is my birthday and everyone is encouraged to admire and adore me!

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Let's go


So long Kong Kong, hello Japan. The next 2 and a half weeks will be in Osaka, Kyoto and Yonnago preparing my wedding. I’m tireder than a motherfucker and ready and raring to go.

This is an old drawing. It was the first time I allowed myself to use colour. I always thought I had to study, study, study. Then finally I had the confidence to open up. I’ll never forget it.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Today was cruel


Today was cruel. It’s the day before I leave for Osaka, to join my wife and new family where I’m supposed to be all bright-eyed and funny. I expect a couple of last minute emergencies whenever I go away, and the customary last-minute photo shoot that always comes up, but for the last 24 hours I’ve been dealing with my clients’ fuck-ups. Just a bunch of “sorry” and “it’s urgent”. No extra cash, just desperate people who really need something. After a day of this I abandoned them all. Not to sleep; not to go on the town and get wild, but to get on with work from more reliable clients. I’m mad and now I’m fucked because everything’s late. So, now I have this opportunity, I’d like to say fuck everyone. Especially fuck George Bush. Fuck Dick Cheney. Fuck Tony Blair. Fuck the military junta in Burma. Fuck the pope. Fuck the whole fucking world and their fucking complete inability to make nothing but vague intellectual progress over the last century. Fuck you all you corrupt, selfish, irresponsible rats’ asses who can’t see beyond a pencil’s width into the future of your asinine actions. Titties, titties, titties.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Relish


This morning I found myself walking across the piazza of the Grand Millennium Plaza after the gym, Green Tea Frappuccino in my hand, wearing my new, white trousers from Armani Exchange and a dark blue polo shirt hurriedly on the way to my design studio to catch up with work. I was everything I was brought up to hate. I blame Bob Dylan (or, more specifically, my childish interpretation of Dylan) for teaching me to despise anyone in a suit, anyone with money. It’s a defeatist attitude that allows people to dwell in dead-end jobs, in ill-fitting clothes, eating mass-market food from discount stores, with the defense that they are somehow anti-establishment. I was so hungry, I drank my Frappuccino with relish, hoping no one would notice me, till I caught the eye of a passing businessman while I was licking my lips, and I saw on his face “that looks tasty”. That scum, that over-paid, corrupted, corporate whore. I liked him. I wanted to be his friend.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Song for Kiriko


Call me a sucker, but my good wife Kiriko recently asked me to write a poem for her. As I've been indulging in over-romantic flights of fancy inspired by Shane MacGowan recently it was only natural I superimposed myself onto his genius and rode it from there.


Song for Kiriko
(after Shane MacGowan)

I’ve been loving you a long time,
From Hampton Bays to Silvermine,
From weekends dancing, oceans roaring,
Knocked down and stripped in the sunshine.

The train came slowly, from the city,
We climbed the rooftop, for some fun,
Those days could never be repeated,
Those days can never be undone.

Across the platform, you were silent,
Across the platform, I was dumb,
Across the years I always waited,
Across the years you were the one.

Then giving up, in dreamless sleeping,
Then waking up, in dreamless days,
Then passing through, I chanced to see you,
Then passing through, I chanced to stay.

One drunken night before the ocean,
We hid together in that room,
Till nothing left but naked moonlight,
Till nothing left, I stole moon.

Forget your sorrow, take my hands, babe,
Forget the past, it’s gone and died.
Put your arms, around my waist, babe,
And hold me close, and be my bride.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Don't trust anyone over 30


I gave a job interview today. I had on my best Alan Sugar but I don’t think the kid had seen that show so he just talked naturally. He had a bit of an edge and seemed to be certain about what he said. I liked it. I took a good, long look at myself before drawing tonight. I realized I don’t look anything like Johnny Depp. I realized my great new haircut doesn’t actually change anything. I looked tired, old and drunk. I realized I can’t keep living in a fantasy imagining every little girl wants me just by passing me on the street. I realized I need to start cultivating a more eccentric character to compensate for my diminishing natural appeal. I realized I need to start looking for cool wigs and start wearing make-up again. I realized I can never be real again. I must become an icon.

Friday, May 18, 2007

The final solution


I was at the hairdresser’s today contemplating how I could achieve global domination. I think it will be easy enough to become king of the world; pretty much all the leaders suck and nobody really likes them. There is the problem of all the religious groups though. I thought of setting up a new religion that is better, but these people are so delirious with their own gods it’s going to be such a lot of work to wean them away. Then I realized, all I need to do is discover a new planet that supports life. Then, I will tell them all that their god comes from this planet. Then, presumably, they will all rush over there and within a few months they’ll all kill each other. Sound a little harsh? Well, don’t blame me that they’re all a bunch of fucking idiots. I’m just trying to help.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Destruction of the fittest


Hi G, Snakes are scary, I think they’re designed that way. I have fake snakeskin boots, they look great. This is the trade-in we have made, don’t fight it. While the Native-Americans are at one with the environment, they are also wallowing in their defeat and humiliation, rounded like animals into futureless compounds, getting drunker and drunker, weaker and weaker. While we, the triumphant, manipulate nature to our whims, getting drunker and drunker, and more and more violent, more powerful.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Plan A


After I posted the last blog your hero and mine, Andrew Collins, posted a great blog entry about how the media is exploiting this case for nothing other than their own benefit. I still stick to my entry, except now I also see how much of a bandwagon this is, especially the point about how millionaires have been bullied into donating money rather than the surface impression that the whole community is pulling together for a united cause. All the same, let’s naively push our mortal bodies forward. I still hope one day I will write a manifesto that will teach the whole world to be nothing but a good time for everyone. If I ever really do give up and realize humans are inherently pointless, directionless monsters then plan B is to enslave the world for my raucous pleasure.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Everybody look


No need for me to try to say something clever here. This is a horrible, horrible story. It's a shame one abducted child is getting so much coverage when so many others are never heard of, but while the ball's rolling I like to think that people all around the world can familiarise themselves with her face and someone, somewhere, might see her. At least she has a slim chance. Then maybe we can start shouting at our leaders and encourage them to channel some of their money away from wars and towards breaking criminal networks down.

I can be a winner


I watched "the Apprentice UK" for the first time yesterday so I could see what your hero and mine, Andrew Collins, is rattling on about. All day I've been in imaginary conversations with Sir Alan Sugar. I've been weighing my words carefully, rewriting the arguments of the contestants like I generally would in day-to-day life when I pretend to be in different situations; it's a brilliant platform.

This is one of hundreds of the "Barber Shop" pictures, of the shop I used to have to pay my rent to when I lived in the gutters of Sai Ying Pun with those cool Indian kids and odd Filipinos.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Virtually true love

Anyone who knows me will tell you there’s nothing I like better than a night of rum and Cokes and playing “Dynasty Warriors” or “Samurai Warriors”. Tonight I passed the 60 hour mark on “Samurai Warriors” and unlocked the character of Nene after completing all the levels of the story of her husband Toyotomi Hideyoshi. This is significant because Nene has the (2nd) best ass in the virtual world. Traditionally, Zhen Ji from “Dynasty Warriors” has always been the best; superseded, of course, by the character of Kiriko (based on my wife who, coincidentally, also has the best ass in the non-virtual world). Nene surpasses Zhen Ji though, in that she somehow doesn’t seem to wear any underwear. My plan is to repeat the games of Toyotomi Hideyoshi (as he has the power of finding extra gold) and then use the money he makes to spend on Nene, who I intend to make the most powerful character thanks to all the gold I make from her husband. Art imitates life, just like in “Dynasty Warriors 4 Empires” I need to find Kiriko, defeat her, be able to afford to hire her, and then train her to be a great warrior. It’s just like real life, but without all the bullshit.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Getting Dick


I was thinking about US Vice President Dick Cheney today and what a dick he is, so I looked up some facts about him to prove my point, but I’m bored of it already. It really doesn’t take a lot of research. Secretary of Defense under Bush I, then became CEO of Halliburton, then became Vice President under Bush II, then started war which made Halliburton tens of billions of dollars. Sound fishy? Sure, but not just to me, to everyone. And who got mad about it? Nobody really. I imagine somewhere right now, some very, very rich person is laughing till they pee themselves.

Friday, May 11, 2007

First dance


Technically I was married last February in Las Vegas, but I have the main wedding event coming in October with all the friends, family and fireworks. While my wife focuses on dresses and flowers I am mainly concerned with the first dance. Gene Vincent's "You Belong to Me"? Buddy Holly's "True Love Ways"? Even the Pogues "Misty Morning, Albert Bridge" seems to work. I feel, though, over all this, it should be the Ramones "Baby I Love You". Can you imagine? That beat with those strings coming in, and we step up and join together and dance slower than the beat, oblivious, yet absorbed.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Youth sure was fun


Listening to the Velvet’s “Loaded” tonight while I draw I am reminded of all the drugs; all the incapacitating drugs that used to accompany long nights of work, until a night of drugs started meaning drawing would be impossible. Boy, youth sure was fun.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

A conscious death


I’ve had a cold over the last few days. It has completely broken me. It’s like life is suddenly stolen from you, and all your petty habits and pleasures are no longer possible. It’s a hateful experience, having a runny nose. You question your very existence. You’re stripped of all your talents, all your strength. Imagine – you cannot fuck, cannot drink; there is no hope for cultivation or fun. All that’s left is a broken you, and all your broken dreams. No outlet, you can’t even lie to yourself. It’s like everything stops and all you have is your past. It’s like a conscious death.