tonight

Oh man, don’t get me started Outlaw Josie Wales.
For the past couple of weeks I have been listening compulsively, obsessively, urgently to a playlist on my iTunes called “tonight”. I call it “tonight” because it’s what I like to listen to after work, during whiskey and drawing.

The songs in order are:
1. “Utru Horas” by Orchestra Baobab (from “Pirate’s Choice”),
2. “Spaceman” by The Killers (from “Day & Age”),
3. “The Only One” by The Cure (from “4:13 Dream”),
4. “Love Etc.” by the Pet Shop Boys (from “Yes”),
5. “Why Can’t I Be You?” by The Cure (from “Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me”),
6. “Pandemonium” by the Pet Shop Boys (from “Yes”),
7. “The Way It Used To Be” by the Pet Shop Boys (from “Yes”),
8. “A Little Death Around The Eyes” by Peter Doherty (from “Grace/Wastelands”),
9. “Pearls On A String” by Ryan Adams (from “Easy Tiger”),
10. “Stop” by Ryan Adams & The Cardinals (from “Cardinology”).

You’ve unleashed something like a chapter from American Psycho in me, so I won’t stop, I WON’T STOP! I’ll keep going.

That Orchestra Baobab song is sublime. The guitarist has the violence of murder in him, but it comes out slow and smooth, like a gentle caress on skin that leads to the kind of orgasm that tears your soul right out from the Devil’s hands.

I have a weird relationship with The Killers. I know in my corrupted heart I should not like them, but they always push all the right buttons and get me all happy and fired up inside. By the time this song comes on I’m 150% alive and drawing like a fevered, rabid wolf.

The new Cure album is amazing. Robert Smith has so many qualities I desire. He has big hair, he can sing like nobody can sing, he can play guitar like nobody can play guitar, and he can write songs like nobody can write songs. He has a freedom in him that I can’t compete with. I bottle up so much, and he just let’s loose. I have no idea how this song could ever be made. It doesn’t make sense and it’s perfect. In my very fundamental understanding of music I really see Robert Smith as a guitarist and vocalist on par with Thelonious Monk.

Before the Pet Shop Boys new album was released I downloaded an EP of mixes of “Love Etc.” These mixes haunted me for weeks till they finally released the full album which this is on. I got it the day it came out and listened to it every day since then.

After The Cure’s “4:13 Dream” came out I started listening to everything by The Cure, and this one made it onto the coveted “tonight” playlist. Don’t think, just let it drill into you. By this far into the playlist you’ll be frenzied, dangerous, and frankly frightening.

The two stars of the playlist have to be “Pandemonium” followed by “The Way It Used To Be”. I could write novels about these 2 songs. The Pet Shop Boys have that perfect pop skill to be able to make songs that make you want to play them again even before you finish listening to them. These 2 songs together are pretty much the perfect experience in April, 2009. “Pandemonium” will get you physically all riled up, then when “The Way It Used To Be” launches you’ll accept death because your life has now become complete. I’ve listened to these 2 songs about 2 billion times since the album came out two weeks ago and, in the words of the Pet Shop Boys, “too much of anything is never enough”. When Neil gets angry during the verse about betrayed promises, and then launches into the 10th Avenue verse, and then it goes into the synth solo, it’s pretty much the perfect experience. No need to exist any more. Just hold on till the end of the song, then you can die.

For a while the playlist ended here, but I noticed I was also compulsively listening to the new Pete Doherty album “Grace / Wastelands”, and “A Little Death Around The Eyes” in particular was haunting me. Strange, the perfect playlist getting another song didn’t make sense, yet like all zen things it, at the same time, made perfect sense. Or, like Pete says, "it makes perfect nonsense". By the end of this song I am a changed man. I am more.

When I played Baby the song “Pearls On A String” she said it sounded like any typical song. I need to warn you right now, that this is exactly the reaction you will have when you hear Ryan Adams. It’s practically legend the confrontation I have with the DJ Chris Hawkins about Ryan Adams, and how he refuses to play him, even though Chris and I are best friends (not really). Even I, a seasoned Ryan Adams fan, feel bored whenever I listen to a new album by Him. It takes time for the songs to sink in. This whole album (“Easy Tiger”) was completely dull to me till I sat down one free evening and watched the accompanying DVD that came with the album. When I saw them play the song I finally got it. It was a lot like reading the Miles Davis autobiography. After I read that book, I understood so much about music.

The final song, and the undisputed final song for me at this moment, is “Stop” by Ryan Adams & The Cardinals. This is from their latest album “Cardinology”. As usual, I ran out and bought this album as soon as it was released and I was completely bored by it when I listened to it. Later I read that He wrote this song in rehab, and He wrote it about the process of disputing the need for drugs, and the desire for recovery. Last “night”, at 6am, I listened to this song, thinking about myself, and cried like a baby, while videoing myself trying to draw (hence the last entry titled "Stop"). It wasn’t just lucky timing; the man and His vocal chords are closer to His soul than anyone since Billie Holliday.

Okay, that’s almost it, but I will also say, knowing you, The Outlaw, as much as I sort of do, I will strongly encourage you to go out and find the album “Songs for Drella” by Lou Reed and John Cale. This has essentially been my Bible for the past 20 years. Everything you need to know is in this album.
For other matters, like pure sensual pleasure, I will strongly recommend Motley Crue’s latest album “Saints of Los Angeles” (plus their autobiography “The Dirt” at the same time, if you have time), anything by Richard Hawley, the last Radiohead album (“In Rainbows”) plus Thom Yorke’s solo album (“The Eraser”) if you have time to get into something deeply, anything by AC/DC, Rufus Wainwright if you are in the mood for beautiful singing and lyricism, Bright Eyes if you want poetry and like bursting into tears, Japanese band Perfume if you like artistic pop, Chinese singer Andy Hui if you want to listen to a real human being singing, and the White Stripes if you want to feel the gutter of your soul thrusting.

In short, though, you urgently need to rush out and buy “Songs for Drella” by Lou Reed and John Cale, and “Yes” by the Pet Shop Boys. Everything else is up to your mood and budget.

Pandemonium

It used to be pandemonium. Tonight’s drawings are for the gallery owners I admire, for the passing strangers I admire; for the beautiful people who passed me by on the street today; for the beautiful people who passed me by on the street yesterday. For the musicians who I wish would show up unexpected on my doorstep to meet me while I’m covered in paint, covered in make-up, unawares, with little starlets in my bedroom, and a guitar on my shoulder, in an illegal hetro/homo/bi and sexual relationship, amid a night filled with spilled paint and emotion, and narcotic, narcissistic neophyte delusions of self-indulgent release. They are for the moment when someone bigger than myself draws me in to their circle, accepts me into their circus.

When I was a semi-child I used to have a routine. I would wake up and masturbate, then my mother would bring me tea, then I would prepare for school. One day the pursuit of orgasm was too great and I decided to masturbate 3 times, even though I knew it would cross over the tea delivery time. After many failed attempts my mother finally came in with the tea and asked “Are you done?”, and I replied “Done with what?” in a defiant manner, certain she was unable to answer this question. I pursued it relentlessly, and she was never able to say it out loud, and this somehow made me invulnerable to the shame I deserved. I never forgot this sickening episode.

Tonight’s drawings were brought to you in part by Bacardi “Oro Rum” and Gosling’s “Black Rum” and in full by Jameson’s “Irish Whiskey” and the Pet Shop Boys “Pandemonium” and “The Way It Used To Be”. Tonight’s art was brought to you in full by desire, by need, and by relentless, insatiable self-indulgence.