The greatest show on earth

“Paris Hilton’s My New BFF” … when Shelly said “I’m crying now” … I cracked ... I broke down … she didn’t mean to look indifferent … she was just protecting herself … and then she finally broke down … but it was too late … oh Paris, you know I adore you … but that was a mistake.

Random Screen Shot - Ryan Adams

My first memory of Ryan Adams … sitting on the top deck of the bus … the front seat … rain driving down against the glass, then a sudden tunnel … a long tunnel … I felt the peace you can only feel after laying a brand new lover … or after a car crash … the water droplets on the window distorting the lights and the motion … “Jesus (Don’t Touch My Baby)” was playing … I’ll never forget that moment.

Random screen shot – Ryan Adams

This may not mean a lot to you, but I know exactly what I’m doing.

Random screen shot - Ryan Adams

If there was a God, Ryan Adams would be gospel.

Random screen shot - Ryan Adams

I'll continue it tomorrow if I have enough time to pick up another litre of whisky.

More important than truth

Save your unhappiness till after midnight … bury the pain … nobody likes exposure in the daylight … too busy … I do like it though … when girls cry … it kind of turns me on … its not the pain … it’s the sincerity.

Caught up in myself

I saw a client at the gym today … I tried to prove myself a little more … I always think everyone is watching me … then my penis got caught in my underwear … somehow … it stuck forward ... a little triangle … a difficult situation … then Ryan Adams' “Blue Sky Blues” came on my MP3 player … I got lost in it and started crying … just a little … nobody noticed … why doesn’t anybody ever notice me?

All together now

I went to the vigil for the 20th anniversary of the Tiananmen massacre two days ago … I was surprised … in recent years it has been so quiet … but this time … even the subway had police … even 2 stops away, there were crowds unable to get on the trains … the first time I went … I’ve never been so frightened … the first time I went … 1997 … how many was it? … 150,000 people? … I lost count … I got there early … I was keen … I’d never seen so many people … all in unison … it frightened me … all together … usually the scary things happen too fast … but that day … it was hours … all those people … I was terrified … if I screamed, they all would have turned … so I held my breath … I forgot why I was there … all I could think was … all those people, how frightened I felt … if they turned, I wouldn’t stand a chance.

Unbelievable

I wake up … in a stupor … every day … like it is the first day of my life … no identity … a stupor … with the radio news, and the boring sports … it confuses … who was that? … they did what? … half dreaming, half grasping consciousness … Red Bull … cocaine … Martin Lee ... assasination plot ... it confuses me … once I was convinced Baby was a Tamil Tiger Rebel … I'm sure, but I can't believe it ... Red Bull … cocaine ... unbelievable …

No more Mr Nice Guy

Baby has left for Old Lady Manhattan … leaving me to my own devices … 2 weeks … imagine the police on holiday … consider it the violence of an imperfect soul … like an orgasm born out of rage … its going to get ugly.