My violent struggle with obesity has taken a turn for the better. After a strict regime over the past couple of months I can securely say my love-handles are reduced to mildly significant, subtle curves. I devised an ingenious balance of diet and exercise that has worked, and I feel so magnanimous that I am going to share it with the world for free. There are 3 essential steps to this regime:
1: don’t regularly eat large bags of potato chips or Doritos in replacement of meals
2: don’t make a habit of being stone, blind drunk every day
3: exercise regularly
There are drawbacks, of course; especially in point 2. I recently spent 5 straight days stone, cold sober, and I can tell you, pals, it’s much less fun than 5 straight days stone, blind drunk. But that’s the price you pay for beauty, I guess.
To celebrate, I’ve drank till 6 in the morning. Still sober, but running out of time, I’m left confused. Must be time to start drugs … I don’t have all night AND day to become oblivious!
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1: don’t regularly eat large bags of potato chips or Doritos in replacement of meals
2: don’t make a habit of being stone, blind drunk every day
3: exercise regularly
There are drawbacks, of course; especially in point 2. I recently spent 5 straight days stone, cold sober, and I can tell you, pals, it’s much less fun than 5 straight days stone, blind drunk. But that’s the price you pay for beauty, I guess.
To celebrate, I’ve drank till 6 in the morning. Still sober, but running out of time, I’m left confused. Must be time to start drugs … I don’t have all night AND day to become oblivious!
_______
I just got Neikka RPM’s “Rise of the 13th Serphant” and it’s as exciting as I secretly hoped it would be. I listened to it all night, till I switched to Nina Simone. 3 days ago, when “I Put a Spell on You” came on, I started crying. I’d be embarrassed to say, except it really was an amazing moment. I’m sure I have a soul buried down there somewhere.
