Ah recovery. The days following a minor cold are the best. Your insipid body blossoms with the sweet surges of necessity, and your broken spirit becomes enflamed with guiltless want. You stand at the toilet and your cock weighs heavy in your hand, all rubbery flesh; soft, yet somehow twice its normal size and full of insinuation.I have a plan. I’m going to invade Burma. All those dispossessed people, all those passive monks, that inept and globally hated junta. It’s practically a revolution just waiting to happen; just waiting for me. Oh how fucking fun it will be, choosing a new national anthem and watching statues of myself going up. I’ve checked a map. We’ll sail from Sri Lanka. There’s nothing in the way, and there’s no one in Sri Lanka who can or will stop us from gathering. We’ll go in many small boats. If we go in one big boat it might get stopped by the Myanmar military, but they won’t be able to stop many little boats. I’ve thought of everything.
We’ll need weapons, but we’ll barely need to use them. We’ll need them just to show we’re serious and to cut down the very few people who will resist. I calculate the Burmese military will almost immediately join us. They will have sensed long ago that the current leaders have lost the plot and are on a one way street to obsoletion. Still, we’ll cut deals with the current leaders, giving them ineffectual positions in the new regime where they can at least live out their worthless lives in peace. I want it to be a quick, clean revolution, otherwise it will drag out and we’ll have stupid little fractions to deal with afterwards. As king I will appoint Aung Sang Syu Ki as president. This will please the peacemongers and Europeans who feel they have a vested interest in the country's wellbeing and may get in the way.
For the initial army, I need only 50,000 men and women. I will pay you after we secure power, US$1000 each. Not bad for ten days’ work. I’ll cut a deal with the United States to pay you off – they will be happy to settle the account to have a friend in Burma. They do it all the time. I’ve calculated it, it comes to 50 million US dollars. Believe me, I know how these people work, and it’s a goddamn bargain. Send your contact details to: domboy@wrongdesign.com and I’ll cc everyone with the time and place to meet. I’ll need someone to help purchase all the boats and someone who’s good at logistics. I’ve really thought of everything.
