Nemesisless

Tammy Faye Messner died today. I can’t make up my mind about her; she seems to be everything I hate and love all wrapped up into one tidy package. She’s a religious nut / she manipulated millions of weak-willed people into donating cash to her empire; she’s totally fake / she’s iconographic. Everything about her was contrived and carefully planned, yet she somehow remained innocent, possibly even sincere. Who knows? It’s brilliant and it’s disturbing. In tribute I painted my face tonight and drew.
She looked great on Larry King Live, days away from death, her broken face painted in grotesque make-up, part frightened, part immortal. She looked unusually alive for a human.

Don't trust anyone over 30

I gave a job interview today. I had on my best Alan Sugar but I don’t think the kid had seen that show so he just talked naturally. He had a bit of an edge and seemed to be certain about what he said. I liked it. I took a good, long look at myself before drawing tonight. I realized I don’t look anything like Johnny Depp. I realized my great new haircut doesn’t actually change anything. I looked tired, old and drunk. I realized I can’t keep living in a fantasy imagining every little girl wants me just by passing me on the street. I realized I need to start cultivating a more eccentric character to compensate for my diminishing natural appeal. I realized I need to start looking for cool wigs and start wearing make-up again. I realized I can never be real again. I must become an icon.