How to hate

That son-of-a-bitch Dom-hating grumpy dick-licker of a security guard has been reinstated by the management of my building. The same whore-fucking dirty rotten son-of-a-cunt who has hated me since the “You’re handsome” (http://dominicharvey.blogspot.com/2007/09/handsome-mans-burden.html) episode. Every time I see him I give him a big smile and a cheery “Hello”, and every time he sees me he half-closes his eyes and his face distorts into a kind of trembling, twisted, infuriating train-wreck of a grimace, which makes me beam with joy like a giddy schoolgirl after the first time she drove a schoolboy to wanton despair.
What can I do with this evil man? Baby suggests the fact he despises me so much indicates he maybe loves me. Baby should know – every time she unleashes her hatred of me she points out it is only because she loves me so much, and if she didn’t love me she wouldn’t bother.
His over-theatrical derision drives me to an exaggerated joy whenever I see him. I don’t know why, maybe because I know it etches the hatred deeper into his crooked spine.
I’m at breaking point. Next time I see him I may just pull out Mr Thriller and wave Him in his face, or maybe I’ll just grab the fire extinguisher and pummel his skull into jelly until I’m sure I’ll never have to see his twisted lips again.
Ah hatred, how energizing you are, how inspiring you are, how intoxicating you are, how I adore you.

Handsome man's burden

We have a new security guy downstairs. A couple of weeks ago, while I was waiting for the elevator, he said I was handsome. What do you say in this situation? You can say “Yes I am” – I used to do this, but people think you’re a dick so I stopped. You can say “No, I’m not” in a humble way, but that just sounds like you’re way above it all. I tried the jokey response, and called him crazy in Cantonese. This is a very common, casual expression, but his face dropped and he told me I shouldn’t say that and I should speak in English. Since then every time I see him I smile and every time he turns his face to the desk and puts on an insulted expression. I need to confront him; I can’t stand this miserable, bitter, hurt man anymore.
I’m not even that handsome, maybe he really is crazy.