A lot of things to get through tonight: 1. Just a few days till our party, I was starting to worry – what is no one shows up? What if nobody likes me and nobody comes? But then I realized – I have 6 bottles of champagne, a night off, and an amazing party mix in iTunes. Fuck ‘em if they don’t like me.
2. A doctor took my blood pressure. She said “This is suspicious, it is too good”, and took it again. She seemed excited when it was the same result. 60 over 100, or was it 100 over 60? Anyway, it was good. Then it came. She said: “This is excellent … for a man your age.” A man my age? A man “my age”? This is the first time anyone has referred to me as a human who has passed from young adulthood into absolute maturity. This is bad, bad news. I guess senility will step in when I get too tired of self-deception. I would like to announce, by the way, that I have a high sperm count.
3. It seems Fidel Castro has stepped down. This seems great – the man didn’t die or get assassinated like a Kennedy. I hope the personal vendetta of the United States and the voting public in Florida fades into its own hideous obscurity now. We all know the truth, by the way; just in case you think you were fooling any one. Everybody knows you sanction Cuba out of a petty, childish, need to empower yourselves after a series of failed invasions in what looks like your own backyard. Good for you Fidel – no matter how you are painted by your peers, and no matter even what evil you may actually hold, you will be written in history as a victor against an even bigger evil.
4 comments:
For your age... ouch. I got called sir by the guy at Starbucks the other day. In my opinion, we looked the same... oh, who am I kidding.
Goddamn whippersnappers. You should have thrown your coffee in his face and stormed out in a true, diva huff. Works every time.
How high?
Quilty:
Total sperm count is 130 >20 M/ml, Grayish - Opaque, Volume: 2.5, 2-5 mL, semi-viscous, pH 7.5 >7.0, morphology 95%, motility 75% and, most interesting of all: Abnormal forms: 5%
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