Nothing's wrong

I’ve spent the past 3 weeks stone cold sober, and the last 2 weeks in complete control of myself, dealing with mortgage brokers, insurance brokers, printers, deliveries, premeditated ejaculations, hair care, ironing etc. Adult things. Everything is running smoothly. I feel great. It’s so nice. Everything’s nice. Nice, nice, nice. How pleasant to see things running smoothly. How nice. How tediously nice. How comfortable and predictable everything has become. How stable I feel. How clean. Like I’ve been disinfected. Like I’ve been wiped down with bleach. Sterilized. Sterile. Squeaky clean. Like a soldier’s button. Like a happy, shiny soldier’s button. Happy, clean and nice.

Tomorrow I will do something stupid. Tomorrow I will make a mistake on purpose. Tomorrow I will feel my pulse again.

I am becoming sensible (somebody shoot me)

I have a brand new neighbour, a Chinese doctor, so I have been seeing him about my sty. My liver has too much fire, and my kidneys have too much water, and he is curing me. I essentially need to sleep proper hours, stop drinking alcohol, eat well, and take Chinese medicine every day. It is a slow process of repairing all the damage, but I feel great already. Apart from last weekend I haven’t drunk in 2 weeks. Boy, I can’t wait till I’m all cleaned up.

Lord, get me off this wagon

I have a sty in my eye. It’s been there over 2 months and has grown to the size of a small baby’s nostril. These days, unless I require a scalpel or desire some perception fucking-up drugs, I go to a Traditional Chinese doctor; so I went to a Chinese doctor, as my friends were telling me I looked revolting (and the bloated sty wasn’t making it any better, ha ha ha ha ha).
This doctor always has the same line – “No alcohol and no ‘fire’ food” (no fried, or spicy, food). Usually I take his advice for a day or two, then consider myself on the road to recovery, but this time, considering the sheer magnitude of my affliction, I stayed stone, cold sober for 8 days straight. For those of you who don’t know – it wasn’t actually that bad. The nights were sensible, which is pretty much a crime against humanity, but the mornings were fine and dandy. I’ve woken up every day sharp and ready to lay the world, one at a time.
All in all, it was a pleasant diversion. All in all, impregnating the planet one filly at a time is all good and well, but there’s a time when sheer abandon needs to be given free reign. And that time, well, frankly, is now. And the next time the question poses itself, the answer will also be "now".

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Commissioned portrait went very well. The client told me I was great and gave me cash money and I had a new order within 45 minutes. I am amazing, I knew it all along, even when I’m not, I’m sure I am.